The Things We Cannot Control

What if one of the greatest lessons we taught young people was how to trust themselves through uncertainty?

I have been reflecting on the conversations I am having, the inner work I am actively moving through, and what it means to intentionally call in more abundant wealth in every area of life. When I say abundant wealth, I am referring to emotional wealth, relational wealth, nervous system wealth, and the kind of inner steadiness that allows us to receive love wholeheartedly, trust ourselves more deeply, and move through life with greater freedom and capacity.

As I continue reframing old beliefs, regulating my nervous system, and unlearning patterns rooted in survival, I keep finding myself asking the same question: How do I bring what I am learning into the classroom?

If I am still learning how to navigate a scarcity mindset (fear of lack, seeing uncertainty as unsafe, chasing “enough” etc.) at 36 years old, then perhaps these are skills worth teaching much earlier. Many of the tools we need most as adults are rarely taught explicitly when we are young. We are often taught how to memorize, perform, comply, and produce, yet very little attention is given to understanding ourselves, responding to discomfort, regulating emotions, or discerning what actually belongs to us.

Right now, the world feels heavy and uncertain for many people. There is so much noise, so much polarization, and so many competing narratives pulling for our attention. Even as adults, it can feel confusing and complex to make sense of everything happening around us. If grown adults are struggling to process uncertainty, it makes sense that children and young adults are feeling it too. One thing is for certain though, our young people are paying attention.

They are observing fear. They are sensing stress. They are absorbing conversations, energy, headlines, tensions, and expectations, often without fully understanding what they are carrying or why it feels so heavy. Instead of pretending uncertainty does not exist, I have been wondering what it might look like if we treated it as a teachable moment.

Steer | Shape | Surrender | Shift has entered the chat. This is a lesson centered around four simple but meaningful ideas.

The intention behind the lesson is to help students better understand what they can control, what they can influence, what they may need to release, and how they can move forward with intention even when life feels uncertain.

The first concept we can explore is Steer, which focuses on the things we can guide or take responsibility for. While we cannot control everything around us, we do have influence over our thoughts, our actions, our behaviors, and the ways we respond to challenges. We can notice our emotions without becoming consumed by them. We can practice regulation, choose how we speak to others, and decide how we want to show up even when circumstances are difficult.

For many young people, especially neurodivergent individuals, this distinction feels incredibly important. There is empowerment in learning that while the outside world may not always feel predictable, there are still meaningful ways to stay connected to ourselves. Self-awareness becomes a form of grounding. Emotional regulation becomes a skill. Intentional action becomes something we can practice rather than something we are expected to simply know how to do.

The second concept, Shape, invites students to think about the ways they can positively contribute to the world around them. While there are many things outside of our control, there are also many things we can help influence. We shape environments through how we participate in them. We shape relationships through kindness, communication, and compassion. We shape communities through our actions, ideas, creativity, and willingness to care.

This part of the lesson feels especially meaningful when thinking about neurodivergent learners because so many have spent years being told, directly or indirectly, that they need to fit into systems rather than question whether the systems themselves need reshaping. So many individuals who think differently, feel deeply, move uniquely, or experience the world through a different lens have been conditioned to conform rather than cultivate their strengths.

Yet, when I think about many of the neurodivergent individuals I know, I do not see followers. I see sovereign people. I see innovators. I see problem-solvers. I see young people that have the potential to change the trajectory of the world we have come to know.

I see deeply feeling humans who notice things others overlook. I see creativity, sensitivity, honesty, curiosity, and leadership that often emerges not despite their differences, but because of them. What if, instead of teaching students to suppress those differences, we helped them understand how to shape the world through them?

The third concept we explore is Surrender, which may be one of the most challenging lessons for both children and adults. Surrender asks us to acknowledge that there are things we simply cannot control. We cannot control other people’s choices, external circumstances, outcomes, or every unknown that life places in front of us.

Surrender is not the same as giving up. No doubt, I am still reframing this concept, too.

Surrender is learning to release what was never ours to carry in the first place. It is loosening our grip on outcomes while strengthening our trust in ourselves. It is recognizing that uncertainty does not automatically mean danger. It simply means that not everything has revealed itself… yet.

For so many of us, especially those who have spent years in survival mode, uncertainty feels threatening. We want guarantees. We want clarity. We want proof that everything will work out before we allow ourselves to soften or trust. I understand that deeply.

Yet one of the biggest lessons I am learning in my own life is that trust is often built while we are moving through uncertainty, not after it disappears.

The final piece of the lesson is Shift, because awareness without action only takes us so far.

Once we understand what we can steer, what we can shape, and what we need to surrender, we are then invited to gently inquire: What is one intentional step forward?

Maybe the shift looks like pausing before reacting. Maybe it means asking for help. Maybe it means regulating before responding. Maybe it means choosing curiosity over fear or compassion over defensiveness. Sometimes the shift is large, but often it is incredibly small. Small shifts practiced consistently have a way of changing EVERYTHING.

As I reflect on this lesson, I keep returning to the importance of teaching young people how to trust themselves. Be who you needed when you were younger.

So many neurodivergent individuals have spent years learning how to mask, adapt, and override their needs in order to belong. They have been taught to question their instincts, suppress parts of themselves, or disconnect from the very things that make them who they are.

What if we taught something different?

What if we helped students understand that responsibility does not mean carrying the weight of everything? What if we showed them how to stay grounded in themselves while navigating a world that feels uncertain? What if we taught nervous system awareness alongside academics and reminded them that emotions are not problems to fix, but signals to understand?

What if we created spaces where differences were not viewed through the lens of shame, guilt, or divisiveness, but instead through possibility, contribution, and strength?

Perhaps there is room for uncertainty without panic and space for disagreement without disconnection.

There is so much empowerment in knowing that we can trust ourselves, trust one another more deeply, and trust that we do not have to have every answer in order to move forward with intention.

At 36 years old, I am still learning these lessons myself. I am still unlearning, relearning, processing (SO MUCH PROCESSING), regulating, and reflecting. I am still noticing the ways fear shows up and the ways old narratives try to convince me to stay small. Yet, I also feel deeply honored that I get to bring what I am learning into the classroom in real time and from a place of imperfect practice.

To me, one of the most meaningful things we can offer young people is not the illusion that life will always feel certain, but the reminder that they can trust themselves enough to navigate uncertainty without abandoning who they are.

If this message resonates with you, I created the Steer, Shape, Surrender, Shift Student Activity Packet to help students reflect on what they can control, what they can contribute to, what they may need to release, and how they can move forward with greater awareness and intention. My hope is that it serves as a meaningful tool for educators, families, therapists, and caring adults who want to support young people in building self-trust, emotional awareness, and grounded leadership in a world that often feels overwhelming.

Download the Steer, Shape, Surrender, Shift Student Activity Packet below and continue the conversation with the young people in your life.